The Unlikely Road to Becoming a Screenwriter

[Rod Keith]

Oh, you kids! You're my Kryptonite.

BTW: I didn't know you wrote as well -- you'll have to fill me in on what sort of writing you've worked on -- always nice to commiserate with a fellow writer, no matter what media or format they write in.

Plays are my medium of choice. We have a surprisingly active and  thriving theatre community in my town. Though I'll admit I've written very little in the last few years, since Junior came along. Or maybe it's because I'm spending my time here?


I'd love to read your draft myself... if you feel inclined to get a C_aⁿa_di^an viewpoint.

[Scot Eric]

I'd be more than happy to send it to you.  In fact -- if you want -- I can also send you the first screenplay I did (a few other Messers have read that one).  Because (a) I'm sorta proud of that one and (b) it might be interesting to see the challenge of writing in a totally different genre & period.

No need for feedback on "The White Whale" (beyond saying you genuinely liked it or not), but any comments on "When the Sun Goes Down" are more than appreciated.

Let me know -- and I can shoot them off to you later tonight or early tomorrow (I found a few mistakes in the first draft I want to correct before I send it to anybody else -- I'm sure there's plenty more errors that I haven't caught as of yet).

Joe -- I can send you the new one too if you like.

[Rod Keith]

Absolutely! I'll take the double dose of Candiotti! You want to send it to my email?

[Scot Eric]

Sure thing -- I got both PDF's siting on my desktop just waiting to be forwarded to unsuspecting victims, I mean prospective readers.

E-mail address-wise -- should I use the hotmail account I see on the Mess, or the yahoo one I see on FB, or another one entirely?

[Coffee Joe]

Make with the script, Candy Man.

[Scot Eric]

Something is about to be sent to both Rod & Joe...TWW & WTSGD.

Watch for it -- at an inbox near the two of you...

[Rod Keith]

Yahoo is better; sometimes Hotmail is a jerk.

[Coffee Joe]

Something is about to be sent to both Rod & Joe...TWW & WTSGD.

Watch for it -- at an inbox near the two of you...

You know, I heard the crazy Simpson lady voice even before you referenced it.  My brain is just tuned that way.

[Scot Eric]

"from now on the baby sleeps in the crib"
"iron helps us play"
"bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
"hello Joe!"

[Scot Eric]

Although I think only two or three folks bother to check this thread out – I’ll keep updating it regardless.

Got my first wave of feedback last night.  As I expected – overall, people liked the idea, the story, the characters (most of them, at least), the descriptions, the dialogue, and so on.  Blah blah blah, some nice platitudes.  Of course, the man leading the “class” – who always gave me a hard time with my first screenplay – pretty much stuck it to me again.  He seemed to like it more than my previous one (“The White Whale” – although he never read the FINAL version of that) – he thought it was quite…ambitious.  Still, he took most of the time to point out how it was overwritten (I agree, I do tend to overwrite – especially in the early drafts).  In a funny voice, he said “You, you’re a novelist, but this is supposed to be a screenplay” (or words to that effect).

There were issues with the main character, where the first act actually ends, and so on.   Many of these problems -- I was aware of -- but needed to hear them pointed out by others (especially with specifics).  And things like that, I honestly wouldn’t have minded, but his almost gleeful piling on started to annoy me a little bit.  It was compounded by the fact the other screenplay we went over –- which I will say was actually a really solid, tight one – he clearly not only liked that one tremendously, he would cite my screenplay as examples of a few things the other writer did right or wrong (“Here, you’re getting a little bit like Scot…”).

I’m probably making it sound worse than it truly was, although I told a few folks in the class what would happen beforehand, and damned if I wasn’t almost 100% correct.

Anyway – I’ve pored over the comments scrawled on the numerous copies of the script as well as notes I took in the class.  At this point, I'm leaning towards not passing the first draft to anyone else, as I’d prefer to get feedback from the few people who have pledged to read it and get back to me.  So, basically – I’m just waiting to hear back from my girlfriend, my friend in L.A., and…well, Joe & Rod.  There is one other person who asked to read it that I sent a PDF of it to yesterday – but I’m not expecting much in the way of feedback from her.

...so Joe & Rod – not to rush ya – but I am eagerly/nervously awaiting your responses!

Once I feel I have all the feedback/comments together – I’ll start planning the massive rewrite for the second draft!  And THAT one -- if it works out -- I'll probably be willing to pass on to more folks.

(of course -- if someone actually insisted on reading the original first draft -- of course I'd give it to them -- but generally speaking, people are breaking down my door in hot anticipation of reading my latest stupid script)

[Abstractharmony]

Dude, unless this 'teacher' is Syd Field or has a substantial raft of completed screenplays to his name tell him to go fuck himself.

It's art - art is subjective.

I've seen seriously flawed final drafts of stuff get made.

I'm sure that yours isn't that bad.

[Scot Eric]

I agree.  I don't necessarily weigh his opinion that much more heavily than any other reasonably intelligent person.  I think there's often a subconscious desire to want to impress the so-called authority figure/teacher/leader of a group -- and maybe I'm used to doing just that in previous endeavors -- and thus get frustrated when I don't quite get that response from this guy.  I mean, he's not ALL negative -- he readily concedes that I'm a very good writer, at least.

I think what sometimes spells my downfall with him -- is that everyone else speaks first -- and both with the first screenplay and now this one - there's often a lot of gushing on the part of the other members of the "class".  So -- he may be somewhat less inclined to be as laudatory, whether it's to take me down a peg or two, or just to be Simon Cowell-esque, I dunno.  I also tend to dwell more on the negative than the positive.

[measle]

I also tend to dwell more on the negative than the positive.

I'd say you need to fix this more than any technical issues with your script.  Overall it sounds like you have a pretty level head with regards to the criticism you received.  Some people can't ever agree with criticism, at least you took the negative bits that made sense to you. 

[Scot Eric]

Actually -- just in the past hour (it always happens on the bus for some reason) -- I've already come up with some pretty cool and radical ideas on how to "revamp" and overhaul the screenplay.  So...I'm just waiting on feedback from a few folks -- then (hopefully) within the next week or two, I'll start working on the second (and hopefully considerably better) draft!

[Rod Keith]

I've been a little busy this past week-- getting ready to go to Southeast Asia for 3 weeks-- but I will get to read them by Saturday! Looking forward to it.

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